Mitt has no energy today. He is feeling quite tired; he has slept almost all day and has been talking in his sleep. I wish he would quit taking the morphine. I wonder how much it's contributing to his exhaustion and confusion. I wish I knew what to do for him. Normally he goes into his home office everyday but he didn't today. When he was awake he was quiet and even less himself.
Yesterday hospice came and registered us, it was quick and easy just a few papers to sign. Not a lot of information that we didn't already know but Traci the hospice nurse did a good job informing us. Last night a call came in from hospice as a routine check on Mike...they asked how he was...tell them "I'm dead" he said with a smile. The nurse didn't even pause, "I'm sorry to hear that" she said "I hope he feels better". We just laughed when I hung up.
Mitt watched a movie last night it's actually the first full movie he's watched since being sick. His appetite seemed a little better yesterday but now has declined again. When he sees me excited about what I view as an improvement he tells me not to get my hopes up and tells me it doesn't mean anything.
I also have no energy; something about being the witness to suffering takes a physical and emotional toll. I had to force myself to make the coffee for his coffee breaks...it took me all day to do this simple task. Truthfully, I'm still not finished.
I'll start counseling next week and believe me I need it. What are you doing this weekend?....I'm watching my husband die and remembering how "this kind of thing" was always something that happened to other people. I feel guilty for my anger as it sounds so bitter but my heart is very grateful to be able to be at his side; as there is no other place I would rather be.
Count your blessings and take care of your health and each other.
In love and gratitude, Chris
My heart hurts as I read your post... I find myself, without any feelings of wisdom, strength, and there are no eloquent words... I pray that both of you have all of the support available and that you can feel all of the love and caring that surround you! You are in my heart and my prayers ;) Love, Teresa
ReplyDeleteThinking about you every day, although your posts are heartbreaking to read I am glad you are posting again. I had a "pro" tell me once you cannot help how you feel, the more I thought about it the more I agreed. You cannot help how you feel, so don't dwell on it just keep going, you are stronger than you know. Hang in there, we are thinking of you and praying for you and Mike. Tell Mike we are doing so, also let him know we love the pics with the grandchildren.....thinking of you brother Bill
ReplyDeleteMike and Chris, I think of you both constantly. I am always composing messages in my head to both of you but actually putting my thoughts in a message is another story. You know, I'm not the most poetic or articulate in the family. :)But I want you to know how much I love you both. Mike, I am so grateful for you and all the love and joy you have given to my sister and all of our family. I have honestly never witnessed a man react w such dignity and grace to a situation that sucks so much. I pray every day for a miracle and when I'm really down I "pray harder" because that's what Carissa told me to do and she's pretty smart. Love you guys, stay strong. Carol
ReplyDeleteBrother Mike and Sister Chris,
ReplyDeleteOver the last several weeks I have often found myself looking at the photo's from the Gender Reveal Party for Cassie and James. The LOVE and Warmth of YOUR Home is reflected in everyone's eyes and smiles. One of my favorite photo's is the one of all of my brother's and sister's there with you Mike. I will never forget the moment you and I reached out and touched each other as the photo was taken. It will always be with me. Sister you call me whenever you need me and I will drop everything and be there ASAP.
I LOVE YOU BOTH
Brother Steve
Aunt Chris and Uncle Mike,
ReplyDeleteLove you lots! Thinking of you always!
Amy
Mike & Chris, I am thinking of you 2 & my prayers of healing & rest for the both of you. Please let me know what I can do to help give u some rest!
ReplyDeleteWith all my love, Laura & family
Chris, Thanks for keeping us up to date on what's going on, I know it's difficult.
ReplyDeleteMike, keep your chin up, as you can see there are lots of people thinking about you and caring about you. I for one think about you daily...
Dave
I remember hospice with my husband Bill. It was at the begining of his struggle with cancer. He had it for six weeks. Amazing the doctor said that he no longer needed it. His treatments continued until in August 2004. I understand your pain right now. Also feel for Mike, cancer takes the best of us. You are both in my prayers and thoughts. If you need anything I am hear for you.
ReplyDeleteXXXDarla O'Donnell
After every post I stare at the computer trying to think of what to say, words of encouragement, anything. Their are no words. Their is only feelings, sadness, pain, anger. Carissa is right though, when you're feeling really down pray harder. So that is what I do. Pray and believe for a miracle. Love and miss you both!
ReplyDeleteThinking and praying for you, Mike and your family everyday. Praying that the Lord can somehow bring you comfort and strength. Thankful that you have family and friends that can keep you smiling and laughing. {HUGS} <3, Annette Chavez
ReplyDeleteMike and Chris -
ReplyDeleteI've been keeping up w/ your story since I was first informed of it, thanks to the Jelly Belly family. There are no words to articulate how wonderful you each are and what a wonderful inspiration your marriage is. The love Mike expressed/expresses for Chris & your family is a beautiful thing to see.
My thoughts, prayers and all the good vibes I can generate are being sent your way.
Heather Strong (Hooten)
Thinking and praying for you both. I also wish he would get off the morphine and try something else. ;) I wish he would check out canabis, I know how well it works for my bone pain. We are back from a heart renching trip to SD. Let us know if you need anything, I'm not working so I can come and help with anything you might need. Love ya Pam
ReplyDeleteChris: Although we have never met I can certainly see what a wonderful person you are - you are able to express your feelings (high and low) so eloquently. Aunt Jeanine has spoken highly of you for many years. I truly wish that Mike's cousin, Jeff Dillon and I could have met you both and spent some time together. This is another life lesson to not put off until tomorrow what you can do today. We were lucky to spend time with Paul in Palm Desert before he passsed and it was a very memorable trip. Please know we are praying for you all and please let Mike know he is in our thoughts.
ReplyDeleteAnne Marie Dillon
East Falmouth, MA
Ok...I'm trying this for the third time, so I'll try to remember everything I wrote the first two times. I didn't know you had this post until I saw your pictures of Anessa. I hope you and Mike know that I have much love for you. I could tell from the first time I met him that he was a special person. We can't understand why things like this happen...but we will one of these days. Please know that you are thought of and prayed for often all the way from the other side of the country. We have a special connection through one of God's most beautiful creations...Anessa. She loves her "Papa Mitt". You guys are part of my family now. I can't think of the right words of encouragement that would help at a time like this. I have experienced the use of hospice with my dad. There is a special place in heaven for those people. They are wonderful. Please know that I am here for Rusty and Keli as they go through this. Call me any time...I love you both...please let Mike know...God bless.
ReplyDeleteI know you know the "anonymous" post was from me, but here's another one...didn't know how to send it the other way; so just in case...
ReplyDeleteTeresa Haywood