When Mitt first was diagnosed I remember I thought it was unfair. I reasoned in my head that I had always appreciated him and gave thanks for him. So why would the Lord take away something so precious to me that I was so very grateful for?
A couple of days ago, friends Scott and Cecelia sent us a letter and sent me the book, "Dream New Dreams" By Jai Pausch (the wife of professor Randy Pausch who wrote "The Last Lecture".) I read the book in two days, some of it I read aloud to Mitt. Thank you Scott and Cecelia we greatly appreciate the love you've shown Mitt and I.
After reading the book I realized I had taken Mike for granted. Not in the here and now but in the dreams of my future with him. I really thought without a doubt we would grow old together; that we would always be the Mittens, the Mitts, the Mittsters...this was us. Never once did it dawn on me that my future might possibly not include him.
The book addresses the plight of the caregiver and it was healing for me to read it. I also came away a little frightened of what lies ahead; as she describes how painful it was when her husband actually died. As much as I can try to brace myself for this new unthinkable reality...of my Mitt no longer being here. I know his absence will actually be much worse than I can even imagine.
Right now at this very minute, Thursday May 31, 2012 at 1:28 pm I am grateful I can hug him, kiss him, squeeze him, massage him, laugh with him or fix him something to eat. Right now I can share my moments with him. Right now my life is happier and filled with love because we're together, sharing this life.
In our near future, God will call him home and I will be here ALONE. He will be on a business trip he will never return from. I never thought in a million years this would be my future. A future without him...
"Dream New Dreams" even the title makes me cry. I know I'll never be ready to see him go.
We are all learning now.
ReplyDeleteI Love You Sister,
Give Mike a HUG for Me.
Chris,
ReplyDeleteYour revelations are painful to read, but I thank you for them.
Thanks for the words of wisdom. I didn't know Jai wrote a book but I did read Randy's. If you haven't yet, do....pretty amazing. I will get Jai's, look forward to hearing the insight to her perspective. - Jessica
ReplyDeleteChris, words can not express the pain and sorrow that I feel for you and Mike. Embrace every minute together and know that God is watching over you both! You are both in our hearts and prayers everyday. With all our love Deb & Tom
ReplyDeleteChris, you are an amazing women...your words could be coming out of my mouth if I were to be going through this with Brian. Your love of each other is wonderful...you talk of how blessed you are for Mitt BUT I think he also knows how blessed he is for you. You found each other and you have all those memories of love and family. Cancer is an ugly disease that strips us of happiness and good moments...hold on to that love and keep the faith. Don't let it steal away the Chris and Mike you are. I pray for both of you and your families to find comfort and peace. KimO
ReplyDeleteThe love you have for each other is an example to everyone around you. You both continually teach by example what true love really is. I feel blessed to be able to be apart of your "class". And even in your darkest moments you continue to teach, continue to love so passionately. I thank God for you both.
ReplyDeleteDear Chris,
ReplyDeleteThere is not a day that I don't think about you & Mike. You are incredibly amazing both in your faith and your love for Mike. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your blog with us. You have taught me to appreciate what I have and never to take each breath I take for granted. My prayers are with you...god bless you all!
With all my love,
Daphne Risso
Jelly Belly